The Personal Essay
Behind
The Mask
On hiding. On the person behind the booth. On what happens when you stop performing yourself and simply exist.
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The Personal Essay
On hiding. On the person behind the booth. On what happens when you stop performing yourself and simply exist.
The Persona
Like many young men I was riddled with low self-esteem and a lack of confidence, unsure of my place in the world — further complicated by being multi-heritage, growing up in a predominantly white British neighbourhood. I was constantly told I’m disgusting, undesirable, unwanted. And if you’re told it enough, you start to believe it.
So I learned to hide in plain sight, when all I wanted was connection. Becoming a DJ gave me that. For a few hours each night I could be the person I wanted to be — confident, bold, someone people wanted to connect with, helping people connect with each other. But outside the booth I was scared, afraid of being seen and told how disgusting I am.
The thing is, they were wrong. And I was wrong to believe them. I was wrong to hide.
But we all hide in some way.
We smile when we’re sad. We fake confidence and bravado. We cover our bodies for fear of judgement. We hide behind constructed identities. We disguise ourselves in pursuit of perfection.
But what is perfection?
We come in all shapes and sizes — all wonderful and perfect in our own way. It’s taken me decades to realise there’s nothing to be ashamed of, and I’m not going to hide anymore.
The Reveal
The same person. No mask, no disguise — just someone who has stopped hiding.
I’m just like you.
There’s nothing wrong with any of us.